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  • Writer's pictureEmma Belle

Second Trimester pregnancy after loss, infertility & Termination for medical reasons.

Monday 9th May 2022

The last 2 weeks have been so busy with work that I haven't had time to write here.

The TFMR Awareness Day went so well, I can't believe how many people got involved and shared stories, resources and so much more! So grateful to everyone that made this happen!

I chose the 4th of May for the awareness Day as it is Willow's due date/'should have been' birthday, this year being her 1st birthday. I want the day to be a powerful day each year that brings connection, support and compassion to this community whilst raising awareness of this type of baby loss.

Next year is already set to be bigger and better and we have a few more members to add to the team to achieve that too!

Today I am catching up on admin after a few days rest to recover and keeping busy ahead of our next scan tomorrow. The nerves are starting to kick in a bit, nothing too overwhelming yet....

Tuesday 10th May 2022

Today I had my nearly 16-week scan, the first question I always ask is “is the baby dead?” My doctor is always very good at not making me feel stupid and just gently reassures me, finds the heartbeat and we move through the scan. Baby is measuring on track, and all is well. The scans always take me a day or two to get over and I normally need to sleep later in the day following a scan because of how emotionally exhausted I am from the build-up.

Wednesday 11th May 2022.

Today I went to meet my friend Natassia, although we don’t share common ground with infertility and baby loss, she is always so kind and gentle, always curious about how I am feeling and someone who I really value and has the kindest heart. I’m feeling very grateful to have such kind and loving people around us.

Thursday 12th May 2022.

I am feeling exhausted this morning. I have aqua bumps today and I don’t have a great deal of energy for it but I love it so I will go.

Friday 13th May 2022.

I struggled through my aqua bumps class yesterday and by the evening was starting to feel pretty terrible. I took a covid test and it was negative, I took another this morning and it was also negative.

I messaged my friend Anne and she said that her girls had had a virus (not covid) and I should check for that as I had been in contact with them recently.

Of course I hopped on google and one of the impacts of this particular virus is hydrops for a baby in utero….. So, by the evening I called the hospital and told them about my recent exposure to this virus, the fact I had had a TFMR in my previous pregnancy and that I was worried and could I be checked. They normally don’t do checks on the maternity ward until you are 24 weeks, but they saw me anyway. They did full swabs and bloods, plus a scan of the baby and all was looking ok for baby.

I came home at about 11pm and waited for a call on my results.

Saturday 14th May 2022.

The hospital called me first thing and I have covid! Again!... I am feeling awful this morning too…. I had it last year and was in bed for 10 days straight and ended up at the hospital on IV as I was struggling to breathe, and my lungs began to hurt. It doesn’t feel as bad this time, hopefully it will pass quickly. It’s also my birthday tomorrow….it will be a birthday in bed…

Later in the day G arrived home with deliveries, some lovely flowers and also a GIANT chocolate cake from sugar Moo (my favourite!) but honestly I just can’t face it….

We also had plans tomorrow to go to a beach club as a friend of ours is in Dubai from Geneva… this is also being cancelled….

In Dubai you still have to do a 10-day quarantine, so the clock has begun….

Sunday 15th May 2022.

G is now sleeping in the spare room, and I am sweating it out in bed…. just an awful night’s sleep! He came and wished me a happy birthday from afar and he is popping out to watch a jiu jitsu lesson at his club…

I try to rest a bit whilst he is gone.

He comes back and sits on the chair that is in the hallway so he can come and chat to me at a safe distance and the door goes… he says I have a surprise delivery! I can’t go to the door, so he goes…

I look down the hallway and it’s my MUM!!! She has flown in on my birthday overnight as a surprise for my birthday for 5 days! I can’t believe it! And I’m sick in bed ……… you just couldn’t make this up! My poor mum…..

I gather a bit of energy and shower and we anti bac the whole flat wearing masks (I stayed in the bedroom) and my mum comes and sits on the chair in the hallway to talk to me….

She basically spent the next 5 days looking after me, bringing me chicken soup and chatting to me from the hallway…

21st May 2022.

This is now the weekend after I got covid and my mum has gone home, I am still exhausted and still recovering. I literally have NO energy…. I booked a follow up appointment with my Dr for when my quarantine ends in 3 days time.

Tuesday 24th May 2022.

Today we have a follow up check with my Dr because I have had covid to check the baby and me… all was well and I can feel lots of flutters and kicks right now too which is reassuring.

Thursday 26th May 2022.

Today I had aqua bumps, and I went with one of the girls I have met there to a pre-loved maternity shop to see if there were any maternity bits we wanted to buy. I picked up a swimming costume and a Seraphine dress. Later that day I went along to a bumps chat at Eggs and Soldiers… I still think it’s a bit early for me as I feel quite overwhelmed in spaces talking about birth as if birthing a living baby is certain… I do not feel certain… I wonder if I will feel differently when we get past the anatomy scan…

Friday 27th May 2022

We have a friend staying with us and we have tickets to the museum of the future in Dubai.

I am glad we went to see it, there are some cool exhibitions, and my feet were throbbing!!! By the time we left my ankles had all but disappeared and walking was quite painful.

It’s something I think you go to see once and that’s likely enough.

Monday 30th May 2022.

I have decided to go to aqua bumps twice a week until we go back to the UK as it really is SO good for my emotional health (as well as physically). I loved it as usual and always feel better for it.

I have also received some news that has caused me a lot of distress in the last 24 hours (not baby related) and intentional movement today has really helped.

I know that at times like this I need to double down on support and pull in my resources to get through hard things.

I reach out to my old therapist (specialised trauma therapist) and get booked in, I also keep my existing therapy appointment with my new therapist (PAL and infertility related) I also reach out to my old mentor and ask If I can re-join my women’s trauma recovery group, this is booked in for tomorrow.

I reached out to my close friend and my mum and start to process this news and work through it. Being hit with heavy news that puts you in crisis is always hard let alone when you are pregnant after loss/infertility, hormones are raging like crazy, grounding myself through this is so challenging… I know I have the tools, direction, and resources to have the support I need to steady myself through this but honestly, I could do without this right now. (please don’t message me asking for details as this is something I don’t share publicly, I do however share my process as I believe that this can help others regardless of the who, what, why information… life can be tough sometimes and sometimes life throws hard on top of already hard and it’s how we get through that matters).

I have already scaled back on new projects and paused some current ones to help create space for getting through this pregnancy whilst living with Bipolar and not being on the perfect meds that help life be a bit easier… now I need to be even more mindful of my commitments.

I still don’t feel great after covid, I’m nearly 19 weeks pregnant and life is feeling incredibly heavy right now….. If I could pack a bag and run away right now, I would…

I have decided that I won’t be taking any more 1-2-1 clients on for the foreseeable and no new support groups will begin until I am through this rough chapter… I will continue to look after my existing 1-2-1 clients and existing groups and that is all I can commit to right now to ensure they get the best of me, and I also get the space I need to look after myself properly.

Tuesday 31st May 2022.

Today I had my support group and it felt so good to be in a safe space where I could share and unpack everything that I am feeling…. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to have this space and these amazing women who listen to my deepest darkest fears without judgement or shame, it’s incredibly special.

Wednesday 1st June 2022.

Today I had my first session with my new therapist, and we spent a lot of time unpacking my recent news and working out what parts of it were making me most fearful and causing me to react the way I was and gaining some clarity around root cause. As always, it’s always to do with our upbringing and the narratives and messages that get ingrained in us without even realising… I have a lot to unpack around this and it will take some time, that’s ok….

We touched on my original reason for going at the end which is all to do with feeling safe for birth and new-born life and how this is triggering my sexual trauma to rise up with me projecting my feelings of being unsafe on to my unborn baby….

I have been reading a book given to me by my doula called, when survivors give birth and it really has been very helpful and can be used as a bit of a manual too…

Thursday 2nd June 2022

Aqua-bumps today and I am starting to get a bit more energy back after covid, as always, I loved the class! I’ll be really sad when I go to the UK and have over a month with no aqau-bumps.

Friday 3rd June 2022

Today I had my session with my old trauma therapist. There is something about going back to a good therapist that knows you well and feels safe that feels so good. I don’t have to explain everything all over again and they call you out on your patterns as they see things you don’t. I’m so grateful for her professional guidance and ability to see me and help me see myself in ways I can’t sometimes.

Saturday 4th June 2022.

Since receiving this news that has knocked me sideways, I have completely disconnected from this pregnancy… This appears to be my body’s go to response when I’m in crisis, I shut down, I disconnect from my body and I can separate myself from my physical self. It’s my way of keeping myself safe from any harm….

When this happens, I have to work very hard to step through my fear and intentionally do things to reconnect with my body and physical self again. Now I am pregnant that extends to having to intentionally find ways to stay connected to this baby and pregnancy and not ‘check out’.

So, today we were already booked on to a car safety and baby wearing workshops at Eggs and Soldiers… G said that we didn’t have to go if I didn’t feel up to it or we could go and if it felt too much we could just leave. So we decided to go and although there were moments where I felt like I was floating above myself watching myself attend and also moments which were overwhelming (as there were parents with new-born babies there) I am so glad we went. It really helped me to reconnect with being pregnant again. I went from being 100% disconnected to 70% disconnected, which is good progress.

I’ll mark that down as a massive WIN!

I then went to meet my lovely friend Tara for a bit of lunch and chat, which was super nice.

Tuesday 7th June 2022.

Today is anatomy scan day with Dr George at Genesis in Dubai. Since losing Willow we have gone to him for all our genetic testing (NIPT, Carrier testing, Karyotype testing), our NT scan and also now our anatomy scan. We get peace of mind knowing we have been checked by him for these milestone scans and tests.

As always, I have felt nervous for about 36 hours beforehand. We go into the scan, and all is looking well but as the scan started the baby turned to put their back to us which meant the Dr couldn’t get a proper view of their heart to check the walls. So, the Dr asked me to go to the toilet, have a jiggle about and come back to see if I could get the baby to move position…. I did this and the baby still didn’t move. He offered me to go for a walk, have a sugary drink and come back or come back a different day. I said I would rather do it today, if possible, to stop my head racing to worst case scenarios… so we went downstairs got a drink and I bounced about on the chairs downstairs for 15 mins. We went back up and the baby had moved so the doctor was able to see the heart and check it. All looks good!!!!

This feels so surreal and we are both so relieved. The scan today has also been helpful again at reconnecting further with this baby and pregnancy. I would say I was 30 % disconnected now… the extra movement I have been feeling has also been helping me to connect again.

Friday 10th June 2022.

This week has been full on with the anatomy scan and intense therapy sessions to help me get my head straight. I’m really feeling like I’m doing ok considering and I am aware I am at capacity, so I’m glad I scaled back my work commitments when I did.

Today is the warehouse sale at eggs and soldiers (a shop we love), I am also scheduled to meet another TFMR Mama with her baby (sibling to her TFMR baby) so I suggested meeting at a café near the shop and looking at the sale together also.

G came and met us there. We were not sure which type of items would be in the sale and we were so surprised when we saw the exact buggy, we had been looking at over the last few weeks was in the sale! It is definitely much earlier than we had planned to make a purchase like this, but we just couldn’t not get it! So, we are now the proud owners of the bugaboo Donkey 3 in grey! We wanted this one because G is big and wanted a bigger buggy for use at home (not for travel) and also it has lots of storage and the ability to expand into a double buggy should you need it in the future. I know that this probably sounds like a crazy thing to be thinking about for us at this stage but when you are also having to think about infertility being a factor then you kind of have to. For example we have one PGT-A frozen embryo in the freezer in London and the plan would be (if everything went well and as we hope, which let’s face it, it doesn’t often for us, but if it did… ) to have this baby I am carrying living and well and then when we are visiting the UK in summer 2023 have the frozen embryo transfer whilst we are there and hope that it may be a positive pregnancy test and a living sibling….(the chance of this is 50/50).

So, anyway we now have this buggy and it is suitable for one of 2 children.

We have decided to not put it away and to put it where it will actually live for 2 reasons:

1: to help the cats get used to it and hope they don’t use it as a bed

2: to help us to feel neutral around it and it to become a non-emotive item in the house

So, it is now by the front door all ready to go!

We also bought a soft stretchy sling for the 0-6 month phase as we both really liked them at the baby wearing workshop that we did the other week. Today has also been helpful again ad reconnecting and I feel like I am 90% connected to this pregnancy and baby again, which is a huge relief as I was starting to feel a bit frightened that I would remain disconnected (which I’m sure brings its own issues later down the line).

Sunday 12th June 2022.

We went for an early swim followed by a lovely roast at Hell’s Kitchen and then back home for massages at home! G had a normal one and I had a prenatal massage and reflexology which was just fabulous!!!

If you’re in Dubai and want her number, message me and I will share her details!

Thursday 16th June 2022

Aqua-bumps this morning and then home to record a podcast with the lovely Cat from the Finally Pregnant podcast which specialises in pregnancy after loss/infertility.

It is always so refreshing to speak to others who just get it…. there is always an understanding there that requires little explanation which is always nice. We also spoke a lot about navigating fertility treatments, loss and pregnancy after loss whilst living with Bipolar and not being able to be on the perfect meds that I know work best for me. It was a great conversation.

I felt very emotional at the end of our conversation as I just hope for anyone walking these roads that they get the outcome they hope for.

Sunday 19th June 2022.

Today I went to meet my friend who is has also been battling with infertility, baby loss and is now navigating living childless not by choice. I am acutely aware that pregnant bodies become huge triggers to those walking infertility and loss and the enormity of meeting me today to catch up is not lost on me. It’s something I am very mindful of and have no expectation for others to share space with me when it comes at the expense of their emotional wellbeing. Choosing what I wore was important and I picked a dress that was floaty and fell from my chest down so that I wasn’t too ‘bumpy’. For me I still find pregnant people quite challenging even though I am pregnant myself, and I also know how it feels to be in the trenches of grief and to have to share space with pregnant people, it simply isn’t easy!

It was so nice to catch up and I hope I was able to be there and hear and hold space for everything they my friend was feeling and thinking.

Monday 20th June 2022.

It is advised in your second trimester to get a hygienist appointment at the dentist, so I went along and got this done! I personally LOVE getting my teeth cleaned and checked so it’s actually like a treat for me!

I then went straight to aqua-bumps afterwards and then home to get on with my working day.

Saturday 25th June 2022

Today we have a maternity tour at the hospital and to talk through some of my specific requests for feeling safe during birth.

The midwife that took us around was amazing and so patient with my concerns. A lot of my concerns are around feeling safe at the hospital and not having any men present and limiting people walking in and out of the room, not being positioned in a place where I can’t see who is behind me or with my back to the door etc.

We discussed some of the things I want to take in with me and all are ok. I have requested the waterbirth room if possible and I am feeling much more reassured about it all since our visit today.

We also went to buy another bag of baby bits from a Facebook selling page from someone we have bought some bits from before.

Wednesday 29th June 2022.

In readiness for our trip back home next week it is time to get my hair done! I popped to Patrick and had my colour and cut done along with a blow dry and treatment. Then I went to get my nails and monthly waxing done. I haven’t had my nails done for 9 months, so today was nice!

Tuesday 5th July 2022

Today is my 24-week scan and also my 2 hours glucose test.

The scan went well, and the glucose test was not bad at all! If you like dextrose tablets and lucozade then it’s really not too bad! The only thing is you are damn hungry!

My results came back that I am borderline Gestational diabetes and I need to monitor my bloods when I wake up, and 1 hour after food each time I eat. I need to mind what I am eating and cut back on sugar ad pastas etc…. (See my GD highlight in Insta for more on this).

Wednesday 6th July 2022.

Today is the day we fly home to visit friends and family! We both need this trip so much! It will be the last time we travel before our due date. The flight was actually quite comfortable and easy. I had to have a fit to fly note to travel and show the airline etc stating how many weeks pregnant I am and that the doctor is happy for me to travel. (we got this letter at our appointment yesterday).

When we landed, I had major pain in my groin from being sat too long, I think.

Mum was supposed to pick us up but she tested positive for covid yesterday so that has scuppered the plans somewhat... and isn’t it typical after what happened when she came to surprise visit me for my birthday!? You really couldn’t make this up!

G’s parents came to get us, and the journey was very smooth.

Thursday 7th July 2022

We went to have a 3d/4d scan at the scanning rooms in Shoreham with Lindsey and she was fabulous! Really took her time and talked us through everything. She said that the best time to get a 3d/4d scan is 27 weeks -32 weeks as the baby is a bit plumper and you get a better result.

So, we will book again to have another one in a few weeks time.

Friday 8th July 2022.

I still haven’t been able to see my mum as she is still poorly (we have facetimed each other) and it’s the evening now and G is not feeling brilliant! He takes a covid test and tests positive, so plans are cancelled for both of our families to meet up on Sunday and postponed to next Sunday. We have decided to share the sex of our baby with our families and to be able to do it in person is something we both really want to do.

Sunday 10th July.

G is feeling much better and testing negative!!! Perhaps where he had it before it has moved through him very quickly!? We have been sleeping separately and distancing ourselves etc so hopefully I won’t get it again.

Also, my belly button is starting to pop out now and stick out, which is super weird as I have always had a complete “inny’ belly button.

Monday 11th July.

G’s mum isn’t feeling great and although testing negative, I think she may have covid now too! I cancel my plans to visit friends with small babies to be sure.

Met my mum outside for a walk on the beach and food outside so that I could see her in person.

Tuesday 12th July.

G’s mum tests positive and is feeling so poorly. She isolates now to get better too.

Thursday 14th July.

It is my friend’s graduation! I am so, so proud of her, she has graduated with 3 kids to look after whilst home-schooling them during the pandemic! She is actually amazing, and I am so happy I can be here in person to celebrate and watch her graduate! I went to the ceremony with her partner and then her Uni mate and a few of us all went for some dinner later on!

Today was a day that was so good for the soul and the weather is so hot too!

Friday 15th July 2022

We went to my Mum’s for food and relaxed in the garden, it’s so peaceful there and so many animals running around in the field below her garden plus she has chickens pottering about there too!

Sunday 17th July 2022

My family and G’s family went to the pub for a garden roast (G’s mum didn’t come as still testing positive for covid) and then we all came back to G’s parents garden to pop the balloon to share the sex of this baby with our families all together. G’s mum wore a mask, and everyone came in through the side gate to make it happen safely for everyone.

G and I have known for about 12 weeks what the sex is, we needed to have time with this information before sharing it. Time gave us space to process it ourselves before having to take on other people’s reactions and emotions on top of our own. It also allowed me to work out what parts of how I was feeling were attached to the grief of losing Willow and what was attached to this baby I am now carrying. Time to process privately has been our greatest gift and grace.

I am very happy to share that we are having another girl, a little sibling to Willow in the stars. Today was such a happy day, we were able to be fully present and really enjoy it.

Feeling grateful.

Wednesday 20th July 2022.

My friend Tonia took me to Pell’s outdoor swimming pool in Lewes, what a gem! It’s fab there (although the water is a little chillier than the pools in Dubai).

On a nice sunny day, it is really fab! If you live near, go, and give it a whirl!

We then went to Bills for brunch and it was delicious as always!

Thursday 21st July 2022

Today was a day for visiting different friends in different towns (most I had to cancel the first week I was back due to covid cases etc) and it was so nice to see everyone. All these friends have living children and have done for years so it’s always nice to catch up with them and see how their little families are doing! I left the house at 08:30 am and got home at 11:30pm! Absolutely shattered (oh and pressure socks being worn daily is now a thing by the way as my ankles get so swollen so quickly and they swell up to my knees! I am being checked regularly for preeclampsia and so far, it seems to be just water retention).

Friday 22nd July 2022.

We have tickets to Fat boy slim overspill party at the i-360. We are going with a couple of friends, and I know it will be full of all the old faces that used to be about in my dancing days (I danced as a podium dancer for years). It was great fun, starting at 4pm and I was done by 9pm!

We went a grabbed some sausage and chips and headed home!

Saturday 23rd July 2022.

We finally managed to take G’s mum for her birthday meal (it was cancelled the first weekend we were back as G had covid) and now G’s dad is down with covid and isolating!!! Literally taking everyone down like dominoes! We had a lovely lunch and then headed out for food with friend that evening.

Sunday 24th July 2022.

G went on a surprise dive that G’s dad had booked for him as a surprise. G’s dad had also taken his PADI course as a surprise so he could dive with him but sadly couldn’t dive with him in the end because he was poorly with covid!

I went to see my mum and later that day G and I went to see our friends James and Jess and they had the sweetest cake and gifts for us for Willow and the baby I am carrying. It really means so much when both of our babies are thought about. We had curry and non- alcoholic bubbles and stayed over the night with them and their brood.

Monday 25th July 2022 We went to visit our James and Jess’ new house the next day that was being renovated and happens to be near to my Mum’s. We then went and got some lunch together and they completely surprised me by asking me to be Godmum to their youngest baby girl, there were a lot of happy tears!!!!! What a wonderful surprise!

They also gave us loads of baby clothes and bits to take back with us.

After this we went to my mum’s and relaxed in the garden.

Tuesday 26th July 2022.

Today I got to meet an aunty that I have never met before and her daughter and grandchild. What a lovely family and now one we get to be a part of.

Wednesday 27th July 2022.

Today is a day that is quite surreal honestly. When I first set up TFMR Mamas, my first regular weekly support group members that have been in group from March 2021, then went into a pregnancy after TFMR group, followed by a birth and babies after TFMR support group have decided to meet up in London today. People are flying in from Ireland, France, and Dubai and then travelling from all over the UK to be there! We have national train strikes, international airline delays and cancellations and somehow, somehow everyone is either on route or already there ready to meet!

They cleverly decided to rent an air bnb and those that had train strikes affecting their journey came the day before and stayed there and the rest of us are meeting there which gives us a base, somewhere to eat, relax, and for these Mamas to be able to be relaxed with their small babies.

I met one Mama on the train and to meet her in the flesh was really emotional and to meet her living baby sibling was so special.

We arrived in London and went to the air bnb and one by one everyone arrived!

It was hard to believe we were actually all there in the same place! (apart from one group member who we zoomed in from New York with her living sibling baby also).

We chatted, cried, embraced, felt overwhelmed, exchanged gifts and notes, held and loved on each other and each other’s babies. I found it all so surreal that it was hard to take in, in the moment. These women have come together and shared more intimately than they have with most of their nearest and dearest for nearly a year and a half and have travelled alongside each other in the grief, pain, joy and lives. For me it has truly been a huge honour to walk alongside them, and they have all given me more than I can ever express into words. I am deeply grateful for each and every one of them and I have a deep love for all of our TFMR Mamas that have shared space in any of our groups, it really is something very special.

Some feedback from the group was that switching from sharing so deeply and vulnerably in an online setting to being in person was also quite something and an adjustment in how communication flowed. I feel so proud of everyone for showing up and doing hard things and trusting each other to not be perfect and show up anyway. This, to me is what group healing and support is all about.

Our day got cut short as I checked the train times and realised that due to the strike the last train back to home left in just 30 minutes and we had to get packed, on our way, in a cab, through the station and on the train in this time with a baby a Mama and me (Heavily pregnant) and a plethora of bags…

So, we grabbed our stuff, hugged those that were immediately in our path and had to make a run for it….. Luckily as I was tracking the trains the train started to run late, which bought us some extra minutes and we literally jumped out of the taxi (me with the buggy and baby, the other Mama sorting the cab and ran through the barriers, down the steps/lifts and to the platform…. The last train had got delayed further and was going to be an extra nearly 10 minutes!! after all that! We were relieved to be on the last train home and also sad that it got cut short and grateful we managed to actually all meet up against the odds!

We made it home, hearts full and exhausted.

Thursday 28th July 2022.

Completely emotionally wiped out after yesterday! Today I am off to meet another loss Mama of twin girls, she is a beautician, and she is tinting and lifting my lashes. We had a good chat about all the things people say to you after loss that are well meaning but land so damn heavy! As always, it’s nice to talk so easily to someone who shares similar feelings and gets things that others just don’t always fully grasp….

Then I had to collect my glasses from spec savers (it’s only taken me 4 years to get them sorted!!) and spent some time with my Mum and confirming the venue for our garden party this Sunday. We have decided to gather our friends and family to celebrate the (hopefully safe) arrival of this baby later this year. Living away means we don’t get to see people that often and then put that together with covid, infertility and loss, the last few years have been non-existent socially for us really. So, we want to get everyone together and make some happy memories and share some happiness with them too as every time we have been home it has been sad or stressful.

Friday 29th July 2022

Today I am spending the day with my mum, and we are going to tidy up my great grandfather’s grave. Mum had already done a good 45 minutes when I got there and then together, we spent another 2 hours, digging around all the edging, de-weeding and laying new stones down.

We also cleaned up all the stone grave like new! It looked really good but still needed a few new bags of stones to fill up the middle which we will do next week before I go back to Dubai.

Tonight, G and I will stay at mums.

Sunday 31st July 2022

Today is the day of our Garden Party with our friends and family.

We go to the venue early and blow up the balloons and get the room ready (they gave us an inside room as the weather was questionable outside). Everyone came and it was just a fabulous day, it was so nice and so overdue to spend time with everyone. This wasn’t a baby shower as the idea of baby games etc just doesn’t feel right for us… so instead a gathering of our friends and family to spend time together to eat and drink together was just perfect. I got very tearful at one point as I just couldn’t believe that we were all here for a happy reason…. It still sometimes feels far away from reality, I hope with every bone in my body that this little one makes it home with us.

Monday 1st August 2022

Today I am spending the day with a couple of my close friends and one who has travelled from Exeter to spend time together. We love a charity shop, so we spent the day browsing the charity shops and stopping at cafes for snacks, followed by more food in the garden with the kids playing.

Tuesday 2nd August 2022.

Today we are spending the day with my Mum for her birthday (which is next week but we won’t be here for it). We went to Lewes and had food at Bills and then headed to the graveyard in Seaford to add more stones to my great grandfather’s grave and also to place some of Willow’s ashes. Then we headed to the beach for an ice cream and to be by the sea.

Wednesday 3rd August 2022.

Today we flew back to Dubai and the flight was ok for the first two hours and then restless legs kicked in!!! I got up every 45 minutes to walk about and stretch my legs. We got home at gone midnight and didn’t get to bed until nearly 3am and had to be up at 6:30am….

Tired, tired, tired is all I have to say about today! Very glad I won’t be flying again now whilst pregnant.

My next scan is on Friday for our 28 week scan and officially in the 3rd trimester! I just cannot believe we have made it this far, it feels so surreal.

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