Womb healing, unplanned teenage pregnancies and forced termination due to a domestic abuse
Updated: Mar 7
I have had 2 womb healing sessions now with @rebecca_wilson_ and I found that I had completely blocked out any feelings that we may class as “bad” or “negative” feelings about my unplanned pregnancies when I was in my teens.
My life was chaotic, I left home at 15, and although I thought I was a fully grown adult and knew it all I really wasn’t equipped with the skills and tools to keep myself safe.
I had multiple pregnancies in my teens, all unplanned apart from one. My unplanned pregnancies were a mix of a young girl who was off the rails, dealing with far too many big things at once, recklessness, not knowing that if I was sick when on the pill I would get pregnant... being under the influence of drugs and not being in my right mind...
The one planned pregnancy was the result of an abusive relationship I was in where I had had a coil fitted as I realised other contraceptive methods weren’t working and and I wasn’t stable enough to manage contraception properly. This person told me that we would get married, travel the world and have a baby. So I went and had my coil removed.
I was so desperate to be loved by this person and this felt like my dreams coming true... anyone that has been in an abusive relationship will understand the madness we get sucked in to.
I took my coil out and got pregnant. I was so happy, he seemed happy and then after reaching quite a few weeks pregnant he told me that if I didn’t terminate the pregnancy then he would leave me, he left it until quite late for this to happen and then marched me down to the clinic.
I remember doing it as I was so scared of losing him and would have done anything to keep him happy.
I have never felt sadness around any of my pregnancies in my teens that I chose to end as I knew that I was ultimately making the right decision as I was in no place to mother at that time:
◽️I was undiagnosed with a serious mental health condition
◽️I was in an abusive relationship that likely would have ended up with the children being traumatised
◽️My life was chaotic, homeless often sleeping on couches, in cars, at random peoples houses
So I had given myself the narrative that I didn’t feel any sadness as it was the right thing to do.
During my latest session with Rebecca I was then flooded with emotions for all of my pregnancies that weren’t continued and I finally felt sadness and allowed myself to feel all of my emotions that I had suppressed for so many years.
Just because something is the right thing to do doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult and sad at the same time.
It’s taken me an awful long time to unpick this and know that I can feel sad and grief about something and it still be the right decision.
In the words of my mentor “we can be both”